Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Courtesy of Bitstrips.com. This is my avatar. I'm dramatic.
I am entering a time of uncertainty, and because I'm not sure what the future holds, I feel "blah" about everything. I wouldn't call myself a planner, but I do like to have a plan. Or at least a goal to work toward? For example, I wasn't happy with where I was right out of my first master's degree, so I moved across the country and earned an MFA. That gave me a plan for about 2.5 years. Then I needed a new plan: so, I moved to Maryland to live with my sister while her husband was deployed to Korea and then Afghanistan. This too gave me a tentative plan, which I'd hoped to make more permanent (that really hasn't come to fruition). Now, C is coming back home for good in about 7 months and I feel myself needing a new plan. Or an alternative plan....

I'm a little sick of planning, to be honest, but at the moment I'm floating. I don't have a whole lot to root me here. I feel jealous of people who are settled. Who have good family and friend circles around them. So, I guess it's time to get out of my comfort zone and get out there and meet people. S and J suggest OK Cupid, but this idea gives me hives. Maybe I'll change my mind in a few months and give that site a go? Or maybe I'll sign up for another tennis class instead--that seems safer.

I don't like uncertainty. So, I need to find a way to pull what feels out of my control back into my control. And in doing so, return to my normal state of optimism.

In less, melodramatic news, I'm actually looking forward to warmer weather! Not hot. I hate humidity, so I'm not asking summer to hurry up and get here, but a few 65-70 degree days (aka, Tanya weather) would be very welcome. Of course, working inside all day won't really help me enjoy said weather. Maybe I need to start forcing myself to take my 30 minute paid break every day. It's been a few months since I've done that. Not because I'm a workaholic or anything, I just... forget. Plus, there's not really a nice place to sit outside the building (that's not occupied by smokers). So, there's that conundrum as well.

Also, my books are actually selling on Nook and Amazon. The first book has to have over 3000 downloads (free) now and I think I've sold at least 300 of the other two books combined. That kinda blows my mind a little. It's exciting and I hope it means that I'm doing what I set out to with e-publishing: building a readership. I guess only time will tell.

For now, I'll continue with my motto: One day at a time.

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