Friday, December 20, 2013

Ohhhhhh goodness

Guys. You know that feeling when you fall off the wagon? Maybe you sprain your ankle... maybe you get a scrape. Normally you pick back up, dust off, and climb aboard again.

Okay, so what if you crash the wagon?

What if you don't realize that you've crashed it? Or you do realize and you just don't care?

I'm in this weird head space right now. I've gone to the gym maybe once this week. I've eaten a ton of sweets. (I hadn't really eaten any candy, cakes, etc. for about two years, until one doomed snickerdoodle tempted me and popped three wheels off the wagon. I have absolutely no control when it comes to sweets, which is why I gave them up. One snickerdoodle literally lead to about six more--in one day.) I have a day off today and the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I'm in a very odd funk and I'm slightly concerned that I'm returning to my old cycle. I keep telling myself "no worries, you'll get back on track after the holidays." But... this isn't good thinking, especially for a person like me who tends to avoid things that are too overwhelming, hence it taking me this long to actively lose weight (losing 100 lbs is very daunting people).

There are a lot of new things happening right now in my life. The new job is about the only thing that's not stressing me out at the moment. It's time to start looking for my own place to live. I was considering renting, but yesterday, during a really lovely long lunch, someone asked if I was "renting or buying." Buying? My initial thought was "no way, I don't make enough money and have too much debt." My second thought: "Whoa, buying is so permanent." My third thought: "Well, I do want to set down roots somewhere and this area has the most job opportunity for my field." I also need to decide WHEN to make this move. My sister is pregnant with twins that are due in May, but will likely be born early. Do I want to move out before they get here or stick around for a few months to help out? Do I want to find a roommate? (No, not really, but it would be an economically sound choice.)

Too may questions. Too many worries. So, I eat and I don't work out. I've gained about 2 pounds and maintained that... I guess that's a plus. I feel gross though, so that's a negative.

So... what to do to get back to the motivation I had back in September (yes, it's been that long of a funk, although eating sweets basically started December 4)?

I think I need to re-evaluate my workout schedule. Because the days are shorter, I often feel that I don't want to work out in the evenings. Plus it's cold out, which I love, but it's not fun to exercise under any extreme weather condition. There's something about it being dark outside by 4pm that makes me think I should be home on the couch. I also need to get the sugar out of my system (I've been getting a lot of headaches). So... small steps will get be back on a new wagon. Hopefully it won't take long to make this happen.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Come on December!

So... November was kind of a crap show in regard to writing and my investment toward a healthier life. For a variety of reasons, I kinda checked out on both things. Today, being December 1st, was supposed to be the launch of my restart. It's hard to do that when family is in town (and with all the other things going on). I'm an anxious eater. An emotional one, actually. And being around family, while great, can also be very stressful for me. I'm surprised I haven't gained 10 lbs. Of course it's been a week since I last weighed myself, so I bet that's entirely possible. I dread the scale tomorrow morning.

I need December to be better. I have to MAKE it better. My plan after breakfast tomorrow is to go to the gym or walk/jog the loop. I've been sedentary for too long. I also plan to do a little writing. I often find that not writing for long periods of time (aka, all of November) can put me in a "mood." Mostly something feels "just not right." So, maybe if I can corner myself in my room for an hour or two and write, I may feel less funky. Maybe doing both things will give me a little control back.

I'm taking a few days off of work this week, which may not be the best for this revitalization. I'm hoping to get a little bit of a jump start... hopefully a full fledged return to where I was in September. Yikes... maybe October wasn't that kind to me either. *sigh*


Blog Widget by LinkWithin