First Year Over!

Holy crap... today was my last day of the first year of graduate school. I'm about to go to bed, but I thought that I'd blog and share the happy news. I made it (barely, it seems). I have one more revision to finish up and turn in by next Wednesday, but that should be relatively easy (I hope).

Goals for the summer:

1. Read a lot!
2. Write
3. Work on my thesis (outlining, planning, character development)
4. Work to pay the bills (boooo)
5. Try to relax a bit
6. Post on my blog more.

Another one bites the dust...

So, I had my final workshop of the semester tonight, and it went really well. I received a lot of positive and helpful feedback. I often think my titles are so clever, but this one ("Where Unwanted Children Go" a story about an 11-year-old kid abandoned in a hospital) was shot down by several people, but it's all good. I agree that it gives too much away. I've decided not to post it though, since I'm going to be trying to get these things published this summer. But if you want to read it, let me know and we'll make that happen.

I'm totally thrilled to be done with workshop though--I'm still so exhausted with school. One more week though (thank God, cause I really am going crazy). I'm so stressed out that I've made myself sick. I'm a firm believer that you can speak things into reality, because I think I talked my body into contracting a cold (or pig flu, but let's not joke about that and let's just knock on wood right now). I'm glad the semester is nearly over too--I'm feeling better than I was a few weeks ago (about the program, etc.), but there is still a level of discontent within me. Mostly because I'm flying through this thing and I wanted a bit more time. Currently I'm trying to decide whether or not I should finish in May or carry on for one more semester to work on my thesis. Who knows--it's all too much money. Way too much.

That's all for now.

Ten Doors Closed

I cannot catch a break. I really can't. Where are the opened doors for those slamming in my face? Why does being nice get you no where? I need summer--like now.

:c/

The Green Devil

= Money.

I can't stand it... this huge crushing pressure that is all consuming. I can't breathe. I need to get with the program--I need to figure things out. I keep saying that something's gotta give, but maybe that something is me. I just know I can't keep working myself to the bone--literally. My bones hurt--my knee, my foot, my ankles, my back. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to talk about my knee pain (and more recent foot pain). I'm falling apart. A decrepit 27-year-old.

Too much weight--physical, metaphorical.

Not enough spirit--supernatural.

Lost hope--creativcal (not a word, but I was trying to make creative an "al" adjective. I want to keep my list parallel).

I'm looming on breakdown. Not in the mental facility sense, but in the--holy crap, I'm not going to class today or work tomorrow because I'm just going to lie right here, cuddled up within the glorious splendor that is my bed, and think about nothing. I will read nothing (worthwhile in the eyes of my peers anyway), I will watch nothing (substantial--maybe something with fast explosions and firecracker gun battles), and I will be nothing. But, I realize that sounds a bit fatalistic...... Bunnies! Chipmunks! Dwight Shrute! That last one got a bit of a chuckle out of me, so that's a good thing.

I have one more shot at slowing down--a possible GA position, that I likely won't get (boo pessimism... but I'm losing hope that I'll get any help from this school that I've uprooted my life for (a good thing)... money is just too scarce and I'm not favored for the position. I'll be shocked if I actually get it). After that--who knows.

I think it's a good thing that summer approaches. I'll be working my butt off still, but at least I won't have classes to worry about.

*sigh*

Sorry for the baah-humbug post, but I'm learning to vent in new ways.

And it starts again

Today is the Prospective Student day for my program--lots of things to do and I'm still sitting in bed wondering if I should participate or not. It's not that I'm bitter about something and just don't want to go--it's more that I called in "sick" to work today and I'm afraid of being found out. Well, to be fair, I really was not feeling all that great--definitely drained and should a drained person REALLY be forced into seven hours of customer service? No, I think not. So I'm semi-sick. It's more of a mental thing, really, and it's raining and gray, which makes me want to curl up in this fabulous bed of mine and catch a little nap. But alas... I have too much work.

So anyway--the prospective people are currently lunching, probably on catered sandwich rolls, potato salad, chips, etc., and here I am in bed blogging and working on a paper for work. The month of April is going to be chaotic for me--I need to get into things now, which means that I probably shouldn't be socializing as much this weekend. Sigh. So we'll probably have at least 5 new fiction people for next semester--AND I've taken six classes already. Six of the ten that I need to graduate. I feel cheated out of the 3 year program that I thought I would have. I'll likely be finished by next December (if not May) and I'm starting to feel rushed. I haven't even been writing! I write when I have to, not when I want to, because I work so damn much just to stay afloat. I can't blame anyone but myself for this, however, but it sure is nice to bitch about it.

Other news: nothing to report. How sad.

Spring Break

I feel like I've slept most of my spring break away. I was hoping to get out of town, but that didn't happen because I lost my cushiony tax refund (long story about back taxes that I didn't realize I owed). I suppose sleep was much needed though--I've been running raw the past several months. Three jobs and full time classes AND socializing with amazing friends really sucks away the time. I didn't have one of my classes for a few weeks back in February and it was blissful! I would love to take only two classes and really devote time to writing (which is why I'm in the program, right?). I could go part-time, but that would mean me giving up what very little funding I received (decisions went out last week and I didn't get anything additional) and as we all know, every little bit counts. Too bad what funding I do have requires full-time status. A friend of mine and her husband have a financial advisor--I'm wondering if I should find one to counsel me (probably just one session). I think I need the reality of my future slapped into my head with a 2-by-4. It's scary having to take on this debt on top of my other education debt and poor money decisions. Part of me wonders if it's really all worth it. It's a stress that really makes me crazy sometimes. Crazy enough to bite a friend's head off, which is not very attractive or fair.

Anyway, I've slept a lot, watched movies, and ate probably too much. I need to read another book before the weekend ends. I've started Holly Black's Ironside: A Modern Day Faery's Tale--maybe I'll try to finish that tonight/tomorrow. It's a pretty quick read.

Today I went to a beach in Maine--York Harbor Beach. It was freezing near the water (wind) but such a beautiful spring day! I've been told that today was the first of spring anyway. A few friends went with me and we hiked up a cliff trail and ate a picnic lunch in the sun. It was completely relaxing, if not cold (about 35 degrees and all I wore was a sweatshirt!). Now I'm getting back into the school work thing to prepare for next week. Blah.

(York Harbor Beach)

(The view from our picnic location)

So there was a boobed lady...

...and I can't get her out of my head for some reason. This old (70?) woman with triple F boobs, singing and dancing. I kept watching this woman, with huge clam-shell pasties over her nipples, wondering... what on earth is this rated. My rating: B. Totally creepy movie--and Neil Gaiman is insanely creative (or maybe it's Henry Selick who wrote the screenplay).