Monday, April 6, 2009

The Green Devil

= Money.

I can't stand it... this huge crushing pressure that is all consuming. I can't breathe. I need to get with the program--I need to figure things out. I keep saying that something's gotta give, but maybe that something is me. I just know I can't keep working myself to the bone--literally. My bones hurt--my knee, my foot, my ankles, my back. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to talk about my knee pain (and more recent foot pain). I'm falling apart. A decrepit 27-year-old.

Too much weight--physical, metaphorical.

Not enough spirit--supernatural.

Lost hope--creativcal (not a word, but I was trying to make creative an "al" adjective. I want to keep my list parallel).

I'm looming on breakdown. Not in the mental facility sense, but in the--holy crap, I'm not going to class today or work tomorrow because I'm just going to lie right here, cuddled up within the glorious splendor that is my bed, and think about nothing. I will read nothing (worthwhile in the eyes of my peers anyway), I will watch nothing (substantial--maybe something with fast explosions and firecracker gun battles), and I will be nothing. But, I realize that sounds a bit fatalistic...... Bunnies! Chipmunks! Dwight Shrute! That last one got a bit of a chuckle out of me, so that's a good thing.

I have one more shot at slowing down--a possible GA position, that I likely won't get (boo pessimism... but I'm losing hope that I'll get any help from this school that I've uprooted my life for (a good thing)... money is just too scarce and I'm not favored for the position. I'll be shocked if I actually get it). After that--who knows.

I think it's a good thing that summer approaches. I'll be working my butt off still, but at least I won't have classes to worry about.


Sorry for the baah-humbug post, but I'm learning to vent in new ways.


Eileen Wiedbrauk said...

oh summer and your siren song! now I just have to get there *grumbles*

Margosita said...

Since for a while I was temping and unsure of my money situation, I know what you mean. Right now I'm so relieved to have steady income that I'm feeling ok.

And probably spending too much of it...

I hope your summer helps with the looming breakdown. Maybe a few days at the beach will be there to catch you when you fall. :)

Amy K. said...

Hang in there, Tanya! I wish you could make it out here for some wonderful weather therapy...but, that would take way too much, you guessed it, money.

Easter Bunnies! Alvin and the Chipmunks! Dwight Shrute pretending to be Jim Halpert!


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