I've Got Monkeys

Yikes. It's almost been a month! I am not too surprised by this though--I've never been really good at journaling, why should blogging be different? I'll try to get back on a roll though. Anyway, to start off my new dedication to the blog-o-sphere, here are some random tidbits from the past month:

• Tom Perrotta (author of Little Children, The Abstinence Teacher, and Election) came to UNH to do a reading. I remember seeing parts of Election and remember the Oscar (right?) buzz around Little Children, but I'd never read any of his work before. He read from The Abstinence Teacher and I decided to buy the book and have him sign it for me. What do I think of him? He's cute as hell. Oh, and a good writer too. I watched Little Children with friends this weekend and I enjoyed that. I'm sure I'll like his books too, whenever I get a chance to read them.
• Today I opened my bedroom windows for the first time in a few months. Fresh air smells amazing--or my room was just funky as hell. I love nature.
• One night I came home around 4:45pm to learn that the people I live with were showing their house at 5:0o or 5:30pm (the same night). I've always known that they expressed some interest in selling this place, but I didn't know they were actively searching. I had to clean my room (it was funky, as stated earlier) SUPER fast. Not sure what's going to happen there, but it's likely that I'll be living elsewhere come summer time.
• Cambridge is not happening. Unless there is some miracle to be had yet. I got a nice chunk of change from my tax refund, which I now have to use to pay back taxes that I didn't even know I had (taxes from 2007). Since I don't want to be a Snipes and because I don't want to have another debt to pay off in chunks, my refund from this year is going bye bye. Therefore, so is my plane ticket to England and spending money. Good bye blissful summer plans, hello shitty-job-of-the-near-future. Being a starving (things are that desperate yet, but they will be soon) artist is not glamorous.
• I haven't done a single thing to work at getting myself published.
  
• School is going well--very busy, as usual. I'm writing about identity in my non-fiction class (or my perceived lack-thereof) and I'm considering a story about a nurse who keeps portions of aborted babies in baby food jars lined up in her closet. I can't decide if I need therapy or not--or maybe I'm just tapping into my Steven King mind. Maybe it's stress. Or maybe it's Seasonal Affect Disorder, which I'm not sure I have or not. I did have another story idea about a man who chops up the body of his dead, obese wife (for reasons I have yet to pinpoint). Maybe my mind is shifting. Don't worry--I have yet to write about any of these things. I'm definitely not crazy. I don't think. But... maybe....
  
• As stated before--today was the first day I could open my windows without turning Tri into a block of ice. It was about 45 degrees. Hello spring time!
  
• My first workshop of the year is on Tuesday. I haven't decided if I'm going to post the story here or not yet. A few people have told me they liked it, so that's always a good sign. I like it a lot--I'm in love with the little boy I created. I also love that I was able to write a story (a love story really) without too many "dark" themes clouding over it. In regard to writing, I think I might know what I want to focus my thesis on. I'm still toying around with several ideas--so we'll see. I need to start revising my work so I can send it out to journals. Fear is suffocating.
• I don't really have monkeys. Sometimes, I feel like there's this odd pressure on my back that makes me walk all hunched over and crushes my lungs. It's probably just the 30 hours I work each week and the 3 classes that I'm enrolled in. Maybe it's the two essays I have due on Wednesday. Maybe the 20-page paper I need to comment on for work. Or losing my tax refund (a meager financial cushion) to income that I haven't seen in two damn years. Or maybe it's finding out that a friend up here (who gives me AMAZING hugs every time I see him) has been hospitalized with blood clots in his chest. Maybe it's the never ending family drama. Maybe it's the fact that control is becoming an issue again. Or that I'm surrounded by winter disease and my hands are becoming dry at the amount of antibacterial gel that I rub into them every two minutes at B&N. Or maybe it's the fact that my "home" really isn't a home and I can't get comfortable. Maybe I just need a break.
• There are six days before Spring Break and I don't know what I want to do. I no longer have a lot of money to do something really fun. I don't know, I'm tempted to go to D.C., but my sister has to work all week. And I'm tempted to just rent a hotel room for a night or two and just be alone. Tanya time. Who knows which one I'll choose.
• My sister got to meet Michelle Obama at work this past week. According to her, Michelle is gorgeous, has really white teeth, and soft hands. I'm jealous. She'll get to meet Obama eventually too--super jealous about that.
• I'm addicted to Harry Potter (now on audio book #5), which I listen to in my car. I don't think I've heard the radio in 3 months. So it's nice to be watching The Goblet of Fire on TV right now.
  
• I'm also addicted to York Peppermint Patties (part of the control issue that I have).

That is all for now. Must get back to the work that's slowly piling up with the monkeys. Hope to blog again soon!

[Amendment]: We're supposed to get 3-5 inches of snow tonight. So much for it being spring.

Slacking

Wow... I've been droppin' the ball in regard to this blog. I need to step it up.

The semester is going ok--very busy. I'm taking a nonfiction memoir course that requires a new essay/memoir out of me every few weeks. I have fiction workshop (first story due in 3 weeks) and Fiction Form and Technique, which I'm currently on the fence about (I'm not big on psychoanalyzing characters). And I work at least 30 hours a week. Throw in weekly social activities/hang-outs and I hardly any time to myself, which is probably why I've spent the entire day in bed watching Jane Austen movies and why I'm slacking on agent query letters. I am the queen of procrastination--sadly. Tomorrow I'll be swamped with work to prepare for workshop. Something's gotta give.

Some of my friends are heading of to Chicago for AWP this week. I'm sure I'm going to be missing out, but I have no money at the moment. I'd better start saving up for next spring's meeting in Colorado.

Cambridge update: I think I have the money to go! My tax refund will help me get a plane ticket and I'll have a little spending money, but I'll likely be broke in London too. I need to fill out the application by March 15 (more procrastination as a result of unreasonable fear). I'm still trying to decide if it's work spending a huge chunk of cash (at least $9 thousand) on a 5-week trip to England this summer. The trip pays for room and board, 2 meals a day, and 2 courses, which I would receive credit for. It's the opportunity of a life time and I probably won't get the chance to go again for a very long time (if ever). My only fear--what to do about Triton (my cat).

No other news to report. I'm completely overwhelmed with work and school.

Snow Day!

Today is our first snow day at UNH--this storm is supposed to drop around 8 inches. I am THRILLED for this special snow day. I totally wasn't ready for either of my two classes that are supposed to meet today. I'm still working on my non-fiction memoir/essay (I'm really not sure what the hell it is or if it's even working) and I haven't read or written anything for my Fiction Form and Technique class. So--hooray for snow days!

New Semester

Yay for inauguration day! I was very happy to be cuddled up in bed to watch President Obama take the oath of office.

So... my first class of the second semester starts in a few hours. I have yet to decide if I'm excited for this semester or not. I feel like I'm leaning toward the "not" for some reason. Probably because I didn't write very much during the break like I had planned. Another goal failed. Well... maybe not, I did write ten pages, so that's something. I think I need the pressure of the program to actually work on things. Anyway... one class today and two more classes tomorrow and then my school week is done.

We'll see if my excitement for this semester perks later. Maybe it will if I can sell my stupid grammar books back today.

Summer Plans... hopefully.

So this summer I hope to be studying abroad in England. I'd take two courses, one in novels and one in travel writing (which I hear is pretty terrible, but with my journalism background, perhaps it'll be easy). The only way I can do this is if some money (about $10K) comes through--keep your fingers crossed! I really want to spend the summer away. I never did that as an undergrad and I sorta regret not having the experience. And it's England!! I have this odd feeling that I was from there in a previous life. Or maybe Jane Austen has just seeped herself right into my blood.

Who wouldn't want to study in a place like this: (Cambridge University)



Think good summer-in-England thoughts for me--I should know more by this weekend if this is going to be a possibility at all. It is very likely that if I go--I may never want to come back again (to visit of course, but to live....). Fair advanced warning, I'd say. Cheers!

A Struggling Love Affair

Today I wrote. I have seven pages and a bit. I'm still climbing. I haven't written a single word since probably December 1. So, progress is being made.

The more I work on this new story, tentatively titled "The Awakening of Tyler Ross", the more I want to turn it into a novel instead of a short story. I know that I shouldn't tie a rope around the muse and strangle her, but... I don't know. Chapters in workshop don't really work out and my chapters won't stand alone (because are those really chapters or just short stories in themselves, tricking readers to believe that they're really chapters?). The more I sit around dreading writing, and the more I tell people that I need to write "for fun" and not "for school", I find myself wondering (as I have been the past four months): am I really where I should be? I think the overall answer to that question is yes. But it's difficult. Writing for fun and for school should be one in the same.

I think what it all comes down to is this: I do not like short stories!

I do not like them Sam I Am!

I don't know that I can get past this dilemma either. Maybe I need to read more of them to understand how they're done. But I do not like reading them either, Sam I Am!

I am a novel writer.

So, I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment--well, let's not kid ourselves, it's been a long-ass funk (approximately 10 months staring when I received my acceptance letter to UNH back in march). I'm writing tonight and I enjoy the story that is unfolding. And you know what... I'm not going to limit this one. I'm just going to let it flow and let it be. And maybe--just maybe--I'll fall back in love again.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2009!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!! My goal is to write more and do so consistently. Starting... TOMORROW!

I spent the New Year in NYC... had an excellent time.

Other goals:

• To be happy.
• To get daily exercise (intentional exercise).
• To write more.
• To read more.
• To be more timely.
• To make lists and cross shit off those lists.
• To be proactive.
• To be less scared.