Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Struggling Love Affair

Today I wrote. I have seven pages and a bit. I'm still climbing. I haven't written a single word since probably December 1. So, progress is being made.

The more I work on this new story, tentatively titled "The Awakening of Tyler Ross", the more I want to turn it into a novel instead of a short story. I know that I shouldn't tie a rope around the muse and strangle her, but... I don't know. Chapters in workshop don't really work out and my chapters won't stand alone (because are those really chapters or just short stories in themselves, tricking readers to believe that they're really chapters?). The more I sit around dreading writing, and the more I tell people that I need to write "for fun" and not "for school", I find myself wondering (as I have been the past four months): am I really where I should be? I think the overall answer to that question is yes. But it's difficult. Writing for fun and for school should be one in the same.

I think what it all comes down to is this: I do not like short stories!

I do not like them Sam I Am!

I don't know that I can get past this dilemma either. Maybe I need to read more of them to understand how they're done. But I do not like reading them either, Sam I Am!

I am a novel writer.

So, I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment--well, let's not kid ourselves, it's been a long-ass funk (approximately 10 months staring when I received my acceptance letter to UNH back in march). I'm writing tonight and I enjoy the story that is unfolding. And you know what... I'm not going to limit this one. I'm just going to let it flow and let it be. And maybe--just maybe--I'll fall back in love again.

5 comments:

Margosita said...

doesn't your program have long fiction workshops? That seems like a better fit for you. Who says you have to write short? Or is that how your school does it?

angie said...

I miss your writing! I remember when I first got hooked on your words, Tanya (or should I say Tatiana?). I hate seeing you struggle, but don't forget what an amazing gift you have, a gift that would make you glow with pride. Whatever you decide to do... whatever you write... you have an audience waiting.

Tanya said...

So far the focus has been on short stories. I hope to be able to do a study abroad program (England) this summer and take a class based on novels. There was also that that they might open a novel workshop (I really, really, really hope so).

Ang, you always know the right thing to say. I was thinking about things today and I think I'm ready to get serious about publishing. I may take down my FP site and start up another blog dedicated to Tatiana and go from there. Time to get serious right? Time to get happy. Sat Nam! (pS. I keep wanting to write that Nat Sam (I'm sure I have in the past!) :D

Eileen Wiedbrauk said...

Hmm. I don't think I have the option of a long fiction workshop here either. They occasionally offer a "forms" class in the novel as I understand, but other than the MFA thesis, it's all short fic focused. And it's not just in schematics that I feel your pain! The thing I like most about writing short stories is just that they're SHORT! As for being in the right place ... I know I need to do this to get the Masters and teach, as for the writing ... I have a feeling the people in my workshop won't be running out to buy my books. We have, um, different tastes.

jlk said...

I think we forget that writing IS work. Sometimes it can be fun, like any job, and sometimes it can suck...like any job.

But if you love it enough deep down, you'll always want to keep at it.

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