C25K: Week 8

This week, which actually started last Thursday, I ran three times for 28 minutes. The longer time is actually not too bad--my heart can take it, but my body has been struggling a bit. Running is hard. Every day that I do it, I feel like it might be getting easier and then it takes me about 20 minutes to actually feel "comfortable" (I'm using that term lightly). My shoulder's still hurting, but I find if I let my arm hang at my side, the pain lessens and even goes away. However, that makes me look like a malformed monster lady, hobbling around on the treadmill like Igor.

I'm supposed to start my 30 minute runs tomorrow, but I'm heading to NYC with a friend for two days. I am going to bring something to workout in, but the likelihood of that happening is low, but I'm going to try. If it doesn't, then I'll have to pick up the runs next week, which might mean that I need to redo this week.

Last night my sister and I watched Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. The woman that was featured said that one of her goals was to face something that she hated and conquer it. Her thing was running. After losing 92 pounds (in 3 months... lets not talk about how unrealistic that is for the normal person), she ran a marathon in Paris. Do I want to run a marathon? Gosh, I don't know--I can't even imagine it. I have a hard time running 2 miles nonstop. Can I really get to 26 miles?

Maybe it's something to strive for. 

C25K: Week 7 (take 2)

As I mentioned before, I did decide to re-do Week 7 for this couch to 5K program. Yesterday was my last 25 minute run. Did they get easier? Ummm... yessss? The first was smooth sailing (nothing hurt, I wasn't overly hot, etc.), the second was very difficult (shoulder pain came back and I was too hot), and the third was "meh." But the average feeling for this repeated week was "all right, this is fine." So, tomorrow I will start Week 8, which is three 28 minute runs. I haven't decided if I'll listen to Laura or not--it couldn't hurt, but the music is just not that great.


Anyway... that's where I'm at with the C25K. I don't think I've really lost weight in the last eight weeks--I'm too hungry all the time. I was kinda hoping that would go away after a few weeks, but it's sort of sticking around along with the weird shoulder pain. I gotta research that again.

Complacency or Fear?

I feel like I'm coming up to a point when I have to make some decisions, and I keep hearing myself say: "I'm not ready for/to ___________."

What I can't decide is if this feeling comes from fear of the unknown or from complacency, and whether or not fear/complacency are the same thing. Neither of these things sits well with me. I spend too much time being fearful and I can't really stand complacent behavior in other people (so why should I allow it in myself)?

I also worry about letting people down by dropping the ball on my responsibilities. It's sometimes hard for me to stop taking care of others and to focus on myself. It's also hard for me to figure out what I'm really worth.

I've been grappling with these thoughts/questions for a couple days, trying to decide "am I ready?"

I guess we'll see.

C25K: Week 7 (run 1-3)

Holy crap... this was a hard, HARD week.

And now, at the end of it, I realize that it wasn't the actual running that was hard. It's been dealing with, exercising in, and trying to adjust to the heat. A lot of people who know me might say "You lived in deep south Texas for half of your life, suck it up, Buttercup!" But what they may not know is that I hated the heat there as well. I never got used to it, not even after 15 years. I doubt that I ever will.

My facebook avatar (bitstrips.com). That's heat coming off me, not funk.

All week long it's been in the 90s (today was at least 97 degrees), and like I mentioned in my last post, the AC in my gym went out at the beginning of the week. The temperatures inside were over 80 degrees. Brutal. I was worried that come Tuesday I wouldn't be able to complete my second run of the week. Luckily, the AC was fixed pretty quickly. It was noticeably cooler inside by Tuesday evening and I was able to complete the run, but it was by far the hardest one yet.

That weird collarbone pain came back. My back also started hurting. I really, really wanted to stop and bend over to stretch it out, but I pushed through, dropping down to 3.8 mph, which is a very awkward speed to try to jog at. It's more of a speed walk, but "walking" isn't allowed. It was by far the worst run of the entire program for me. I almost didn't finish it. On the way home, I decided that I needed to repeat Week 7. Why? Because not only was the run super difficult, my thoughts were borderline "I'm done with this nonsense. I hate it." I don't want to quit as I've come really far. I also don't want to hate it and never run again. Knowing that the next week would add three minutes, I felt apprehensive. Who knew what these additional minutes would do to my waning morale. I might thrown in the towel all together. So, I need to repeat Week 7 until the run doesn't hurt.

Today's run (#3) was actually much easier than Tuesday's. I jogged for a longer period of time (about 15 minutes) at the higher mph before dropping it down for the last 10 minutes. My heart rate was good--I didn't feel uncomfortable or overly tired. I managed to get a good treadmill and watched half of an NCIS episode, and instead of listening to Coach Laura, I had my own music playing. I felt much more comfortable. I also think that the gym was even cooler than prior days. My body didn't have to work as hard, I guess.

Although the last run of the week was easier, I'm still going to repeat Week 7. Week 8 has three 28 minute runs. Week 9 has three 30 minute runs. Even if I stick with Week 7 for a little longer, it shouldn't take much more to get another 5 minutes out of me. I do want to complete the goal of the program, which is a 5K (I'm at about 4K right now) or to run 30 minutes. Maybe I don't need Laura to do it? Wait a second..... saying that, I feel a little like a person who goes off their meds because they feel so much better and think they don't need them.

Hmm... I'll probably stick with Laura for Weeks 8 and 9, but this coming week I'll repeat Week 7 on my own.

Pending Derailment

My next 25 minute jog is tomorrow and the heat is threatening to throw me off track completely. In some ways, I feel like I'm just making excuses and in others I feel like I have a valid concern: the temperature in my gym today was 82 degrees.

That's dangerous... right?

I mean, people were working on like no big deal, but it took an extra push to get me to start peddling.  I almost left--twice!

They (some guy behind the counter who didn't seem 100 percent confident in his answer to my question: "Um, is the AC broken or something or is this normal?") say that they've got a contractor going in to fix the AC tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that it'll be working by the end of the day. In the interim, maybe they should invest in some shades to block out the sun that sears through the front windows all day long? Maybe invest in some more industrial fans.... It's just so hot. What if the AC isn't fixed tomorrow when I start my jog? What if I'm  unable to complete it because I've passed out, smacked the console of the treadmill, hit the spinning tread (because I don't wear the emergency stop thingy), and then shoot off across the gym (or as far as 4 mph will propel me)?

Disaster.

I might have to switch gyms after such humiliation. Or sue for heat stroke.

Either way... I will attempt a jog tomorrow, even if the temperature is borderline gateway to hell.

Even though I want to do nothing but sit in my car with all of the vents pointed at my and the AC at full blast.

If you couldn't tell, the heat is really taking a lot out of me. It's bursting my normally zen state. I feel so cranky... I want to bash things. Seriously, I want to Hulk smash the sun.

Another funny thing... I keep thinking "maybe when I lose this last 50 pounds, I won't mind the heat." Bullshit, Tanya. When it feels like your flesh is burning off it doesn't matter if you're a healthy weight or obese. The sun is unforgiving and it's only getting worse.

*wailing moan of despair*

All right, let me stop being a baby.

My mom keeps telling me that I should move to Alaska. Maybe I should. I definitely don't get cranky when I'm cold.

C25K: Week 6 (run 3)

So... today I jogged for 25 minutes. I actually completed 25 minutes of continuous jogging. It was harder than hell, but I completed it.

25 minute run with 5 minute warm-up walk = 2 miles.

Afterwards, I wondered if I needed to repeat week six. For the last two jogs, I've had this strange pain on and around my right collarbone. It makes jogging VERY uncomfortable. It's bad enough that I want to stop jogging (and I nearly did several times). In earlier weeks, Laura talked about stitch pains, which I haven't experienced yet, so I thought that maybe this was it. Nope, not stitch. But this shoulder pain has been a pretty steady this week, and coupled with the faster, continuous heart rate (anything over 175 feels pretty taxing), I felt like maybe I needed to repeat this week's runs.

So, when I got home today, I walked into the house and asked my sister about week seven. As I've said in earlier posts, I don't like to know what's coming. But after my struggles this week, I needed to know if I should actually repeat one week.

Week 7: three 25 minute runs. Yikes!

According to my sister, who told me she experienced the same shoulder pain, it's my posture and probably the way I move my arms. I think they're kinda high and close to my body and I think my shoulders are all bunched up. So, I need to loosen up (a lesson for my life in general). I probably need a massage--although that's a difficult thing to swallow when you don't like strangers touching you.

The only consolation about this coming week is that they will eventually get easier, just like weeks 1-5 have. And I did complete all this week's runs--hard or not.

I've decided to press on with week seven and hopefully I'll find some relief to this odd problem.

So, instead of sore legs, I have overworked muscles around my collarbone. Such is life.

Let's Take A Moment to Consider Pencils

I realized that pencils make me very happy. I love the feel, shape, and smell (especially a box of pencils). I don't even use them on a daily basis, but they make me excited nonetheless. Two years ago, my sister gave me a package of large, yellow pencils as a stocking stuffer. Best present ever. I haven't used them, but I love them all the same. I have to wonder if it's the writer in me? Or maybe it's the nerd (I love school and school supplies). Maybe it's some strange non-kinky, utterly bizarre, yellow-number-2 pencil fetish....

Here is a little ode to pencils:

Stop. Pencil time...

You now know something weird about me.