So... that running thing...

It's been a while since I've jogged for 30 minutes straight. Instead, I've been running a mile and trying to do it at a faster speed (I'm at a 13.5 minute mile). I'm not sure if I'm hindering the progress that I've made with the C25K, but... running sucks. It's still hard and I just don't find it to be all that pleasant. It could be the atmosphere... the gym isn't really that encouraging. So, maybe, now that it's cooler, I should try jogging outside in the morning. I prefer hitting tennis balls (or playing tennis). But that isn't as high-cardio as I'd like it to be (yet).

Anyway, I think there are new things on the horizon for me. I find myself shifting between confidence and abject terror at these changes. Considering I want this year to be about things that challenge me, I think I'm off to a pretty good start.

Ooo This Game

I've been anxious all day and most of last night as well because of a stupid football game.

We lost 49 to 42... but there's no shame in losing by seven points to the currently #1 ranked team. It was a really good ball game. And, as it's about 12:30 in the morning and I'm posting a blog, I guess I'm still a little wound up and energized. My throat's a little dry too. Gig 'em Ags!

It's five days until my birthday. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do... I've considered going to Medieval Times, but that's kind of expensive and I want to buy myself a hopper (for tennis balls). Oh, that's something else to look forward to this coming week. I signed up for more tennis lessons. And after watching several matches of the U.S. Open, I've been having some "if only" moments. You know, "If only I'd started tennis as a child, I'd be playing Serena now!" Not quite likely, but a girl can dream. I also figure that signing up for community classes is a good way to meet people. I haven't really been successful at this the last two classes. I certainly haven't found a tennis partner.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what my next steps are, and I think if I stay in this area, I might want to join a tennis league or something. I need to get out and about a little bit more.

Anyway, news on my "spiral" from the last post: I'm still spinning, but at least it's not downward. Its an even-axis spin of sorts. Whenever I get super overwhelmed I tend to procrastinate. So, to break through, I decided to focus on one thing that was overwhelming me: food. I actually tracked Weight Watcher points all week instead of making estimates and eating whatever. Doing this made me feel a little bit more in control, and being a bit stricter with my choices definitely made me feel better. Luckily, I don't have tendencies toward addictive behaviors and aren't at high risk for going in the "I'm going to starve myself" route. (I've read that a lot of food-related illnesses begin as a method of controlling something when it feels like you're in control of nothing.) There are certain things that I just don't see myself giving up ever. Pancakes are delicious.

Anyway, actually following my WW plan was a good choice.

Also, my knee feels better, even though it's not quite right. I'm worried that all the popping over the years has finally caught up to me. When I was little I used to lay in bed and extend my arm until my elbow popped. I did this over and over and over again. Pop, pop, pop, pop. At the time it felt really good, but now when my elbow needs to pop I feel this excruciating pain. I hope this isn't happening to my knee, which will pop with the slightest movement. Right now it hurts to pop. Not good. This pain better not happen to my hands. Lord knows I love cracking my knuckles!

Spiraling

I've been completely off my game the last couple weeks. I need to find my footing and find it fast before all of my hard work over the last few months comes to an end. First, I'm eating the moon and then some. Night time has not been my friend lately, so I need to figure out a way to nip it in the bud after dinner. Or just stop eating when I'm not hungry. Second, my knee has been wonky. I think I strained a tendon trying to incorporate squats into my life. I've been popping Advil, but the range of motion just isn't right. So, last week I skipped a couple work outs in hope that a little time off would heal me. But in the process of not working out, I gained weight. Third, I feel like I'm constantly on the brink of "what now?"

I don't like uncertainty.

So... yes, I'm spiraling. My question is: How do you stop a tailspin? What makes a tornado dissipate?

While I don't mind getting older (I am improving with age), I'm starting to worry about my prospects at life. I mean... if you're still doing something you've always done and you're borderline 32 doesn't that mean you'll continue to do it forever? It's very likely that I'm set in my ways and while parts of me are kinda awesome, other parts royally suck. So... yea.

I gotta figure things out, I guess. Sooner rather than later. Or else I'm gonna pack on the pounds before you can say Beetlejuice three times fast (guess what I'm watching for the second night in a row?).

Okay... second week of September. Bring me good things!

Missing Hubcap...

Not my car.

So, I noticed this weekend that I'm missing a hubcap. My sister mentioned seeing one in the road near our house, but it wasn't where she said it was. I decided to look in the trash can that's at the corner of the intersection, just in case... and there is was. All smashed up. Nothing salvageable. I was kinda shocked at the state of it. I was hoping to find it still in the street and pop it back on while shaming it for popping off in the first place. I know this is going to sound superficial, but because the cap is missing I kinda feel like I'm riding around in a junker. Don't get me wrong. I have a nice car. It's reliable and I haven't had to have much major service on it (knock on wood). It's not rusted up or dented... its just a little less dressed than normal. This makes me feel sloppy for some reason. I realize that no one cares about this but me. I'm not being judged by random drivers who should have their eyes on the road and not at my front tire. Still, I can't stop thinking about it. I have to wonder if this feeling is really about my car or if there's something deeper. Almost like "great, that's one more thing I need to worry about." Is it bad that I've contemplated stealing one off someone else's Rav4? I won't do this, obviously, but I've thought about it a couple times. So what does that mean?

I'm over thinking. I just feel a little unsettled at the moment. I'm starting to think that my thirty-second year of life needs to be about me doing things that scare the crap out of me. That's scary. I don't want to do scary things... I also don't want to be complacent in life. So... 32: The Fright Years (?)

Maybe I should remove all of my hubcaps... you know, live dangerously. Or at least symmetrically.

Holy crap... it'll cost over $70 to replace it. That's depressing.

Stupid hubcap. Why did it pop off? Why didn't I hear it?

I found cheaper ones on E-bay. The conundrums: 1) Buy one new one and it's brighter and more silver-y than the rest. 2) Buy four and have three extra hanging around?

Stupid hubcap.

Hello Birthday Month

I love September, and not just because it's my birthday month, but it's the start of fall which will bring winter, two of my favorite seasons. Now, the weather just needs to cooperate (it's still in the 90s). I spent this long weekend doing nothing, basically. I wrote about 50+ pages of my new novel, went shopping, took a nap, ate some food. So, I'm feeling re-energized for work. Of course I know the first few days are going to be stressful, but I'm not even going to stress about it. So... in seventeen days I'll be one year older. I think it'll be a good year.