Monday, November 17, 2008

Brain Sucker

Why does workshop leave me with this dissatisfied, souls-just-been-sucked-out-and-stomped-on feeling? And I wasn't even workshopped today--that comes next week (story posted). I think part of my problem is that I read my story for next week again, after I'd already passed it out, and found LOTS of places that could have been cut or tightened up. I hate turning in sub-par things. And I'll hate hearing the same-ol' same-ol' next Monday. I feel like I'm one of the weaker writers in the program, which may or may not be true. I just feel like no one's giving me their true and honest to god responses, and then whisper behind my back.

Okay--paranoia passing. Passing..... passing. Past.

But still, I feel like my creative juices have been sucked clean out of my body. At this point--writing is not fun. And that makes me feel all sick inside.


Margosita said...

You know, I've really made a conscious effort to follow the advice one of my professors gave on the first day of the program: "Let of the idea that you're the best writer in the room. Now let go of the idea that you're the worst." It's not fool proof, but its been really helpful. Maybe it'll help some of your paranoia pass, too?

I have that sucked-out feeling, too. And even more so than writing I think being an MFAer has ruined my ability to read and enjoy it. (I'm working on a post about it, actually.) Right now that bothers me more than anything.

Tanya said...

Yeah, I do need to let that go--I know I'm not the best cause there are others that blow me away, but I do feel like I'm borderline worse and I think that's hurting me in the long run. I agree with the reading and enjoying it thing--I usually want to read for the entertainment of it. I don't want to read and pick apart, analyze and psychoanalyze. *sigh*

I look forward to reading your post soon.

Eileen Wiedbrauk said...

this MFA workshop in leaves me wit a soul sucked out feeling every week. The one time I felt motivated was the day I got workshopped (at least I then had ideas for what to write about) but the rest of the weeks make me want to get a drink!

It is very easy for me to not give a damn about who is the best/worst because people's tastes and styles vary so widely. Everyone does well but there isn't one person that EVERYONE likes when we read their work. That, and I've found one person who's work/comments resonate with what I like aesthetically, and one person who's a windbag (comments taken with a grain of salt b/c he's too talkative) and one person that I scapegoat as being the worst without actual reasons to back that up. Because I am picking that person as the worst for purely emotional reasons that have nothing to do with the writing I never have to consciously compare my their writing with mine. It's a half-ass backwards way of looking at it but THAT at least works.

Workshop every week sucks the fun out of reading however.

Not out of all reading, but it sucks the joy I get from reading the stories people submit.

These people are really brutal to the stories they read. Which is helpful to the writing process, but I am a much more, dare I say, 'emotional' reader. If a piece resonates with me I am perfectly happy to overlook its flaws. Not so for my workshop friends. They tire me out. I'm glad I don't have to reread anyone else's story after these people have torn it apart because they would have killed the fun in reading it.

Becca said...

I can honestly tell you that I've never heard anyone whisper behind your back about a story, and really the only comment I've heard about any of the stories you've turned in was from Matt who said your Chekhov story was one of his two favorites out of the entire group.


I want you in my workshop. I want to steal you and bring you over to the Thursday side.

jlk said...

hey! i found you, too! you are now on my blog feed. i feel ya on the workshop thing. and we WILL hang soon. even if it's after classes when everyone has skipped town.


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