The Queen of Rejection Would Like to Renounce Her Throne

So, I received my rejection number 12 (of 12) of the agents I submitted my supernatural YA novel to back at the beginning of the year. I got the email a few days ago and was like "Oh, totally forgot about you." I suppose those are better than the ones where you were really hoping for great news. But, it's been six months--I kinda assumed it was no like five months ago. Still, I was slightly irritated by the rejection because they asked for a lot of information for the submission (a survey, a synopsis, and 30 pages)... I don't know why I expected at least a few words from a real person. Maybe a "Hey, interesting premise but I can't jive with your main character." But no, it was a basic form letter. Here, I'll share it:

Thank you for submitting to Prospect Agency.
 
We greatly appreciate your submission, and have
given The Spirit Keeper our careful consideration.
Unfortunately, your project is not a good fit for
us at this time.
 
We wish you the best of luck in finding an
enthusiastic agent and in your writing career. 
Again, thank you for thinking of Prospect Agency.
 
With best wishes,
Prospect Agency

Hmmm... "greatly appreciate"? Is that hyperbole? I think it is. I do hope to find an "enthusiastic agent" at some point. I definitely expected SOMETHING more than a form letter, especially when they touted about how much time and effort they put into reading submissions. But at least they sent me something. Another one I submitted to was like "if you haven't heard from us in 6 weeks, it's a no." That's just lazy.

Oh well....

I'm tired of rejections to be honest. That's something that e-publishing takes out of the equation. Well, except any negative reviews, of course. Negative reviews are a new kind of beast.

When It's A Little Scary

This weekend I uploaded my first novel in ebook format. It's actually not the first novel I've ever wrote, but it is the first one that I shared with people. And by people, I mean random strangers on the internet who just happened to come across it, read it, and like it. I wrote the first draft in 2006, and then six years later, I pulled it out, edited it and stuck it on the Internet (complete with a few pesky typos). Now... I'm sharing it with not only those first readers, but with people I know. People who might look at me with raised eyebrows and ask: "Whoa, you wrote this crap? Thanks for polluting American literature!"

There's a different level of scariness to this step of self exposure. People you know can be dishonest in order to spare your feelings (thus lying to your face). People you know may be brutally honest. People you know may be disappointed. There's nothing worse that disappointing someone that I know, for whatever reason. So... yeah, this blog post scares me. I feel paranoid and anxious. I don't know why I'm getting so worked up. It's not that I'll ever know if someone in my life purchases the book (or doesn't). That's not really how book sales work. I'm more scared of the people who are like: "HEY, I bought your book!" Instead of imagining that they may really like it, I see them slamming their Nook/Kindle/iPad/etc. shut with a yell of: "What a bunch of poorly written sh*$!"

This will likely happen, at least for a few.

I can't please everyone, but wish that I could.

There's also a level of me thinking: "This book is who I am, what I like to do, the kind of writer I will likely be forever. What if people I care about crap over that.?" But at this point in my life, I'm trying to challeng myself to do things that are a little scary.

With that being said... KILLING MEMORIES (under my pen name: Tatiana Moore) is now available on Kindle and Smashwords.

If you buy it (.99 cents)... don't tell me. Thanks for any and all support!