Okay, so what if you crash the wagon? What if you don't realize that you've crashed it? Or you do realize and you just don't care?
I'm in this weird head space right now. I've gone to the gym maybe once this week. I've eaten a ton of sweets. (I hadn't really eaten any candy, cakes, etc. for about two years, until one doomed snickerdoodle tempted me and popped three wheels off the wagon. I have absolutely no control when it comes to sweets, which is why I gave them up. One snickerdoodle literally lead to about six more--in one day.) I have a day off today and the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I'm in a very odd funk and I'm slightly concerned that I'm returning to my old cycle. I keep telling myself "no worries, you'll get back on track after the holidays." But... this isn't good thinking, especially for a person like me who tends to avoid things that are too overwhelming, hence it taking me this long to actively lose weight (losing 100 lbs is very daunting people).
There are a lot of new things happening right now in my life. The new job is about the only thing that's not stressing me out at the moment. It's time to start looking for my own place to live. I was considering renting, but yesterday, during a really lovely long lunch, someone asked if I was "renting or buying." Buying? My initial thought was "no way, I don't make enough money and have too much debt." My second thought: "Whoa, buying is so permanent." My third thought: "Well, I do want to set down roots somewhere and this area has the most job opportunity for my field." I also need to decide WHEN to make this move. My sister is pregnant with twins that are due in May, but will likely be born early. Do I want to move out before they get here or stick around for a few months to help out? Do I want to find a roommate? (No, not really, but it would be an economically sound choice.)
Too may questions. Too many worries. So, I eat and I don't work out. I've gained about 2 pounds and maintained that... I guess that's a plus. I feel gross though, so that's a negative.
So... what to do to get back to the motivation I had back in September (yes, it's been that long of a funk, although eating sweets basically started December 4)?
I think I need to re-evaluate my workout schedule. Because the days are shorter, I often feel that I don't want to work out in the evenings. Plus it's cold out, which I love, but it's not fun to exercise under any extreme weather condition. There's something about it being dark outside by 4pm that makes me think I should be home on the couch. I also need to get the sugar out of my system (I've been getting a lot of headaches). So... small steps will get be back on a new wagon. Hopefully it won't take long to make this happen.
