Sometimes It Just Hits You

I'm about to self-publish my sixth novel.

I'm about one-third of the way through my seventh (actually, it's my ninth, but it will be the seventh to publish).

Wow... nine novels. I'm not one to really toot my own horn, but that's pretty awesome. Maybe this one will be the one to catapult me to stardom! (haha). Or maybe it's lucky number 7. I guess I really am a writer.

I miss how easy it was to bang out the first six and I wonder if having a formal education in fiction writing hindered my process. Hopefully it's made me better, but I'm definitely not writing as much as I was back in college (circa 2006). I need to get back to that place somehow. My goal is to write and publish one book a year. Perhaps this is lofty, but I know I can do it.

Arrrrggh!

My damn pants don't fit... not a single one. Shows how far I've slid. I just can't seem to get back on track and it's very frustrating.

My pants must fit by the time I go to London. I will NOT buy new pants.

Tomorrow: Day 1

My pants are getting tight and uncomfortable. I'm eating tons of sugar. I've gained back about 10 pounds and I'm easily on my way to putting on everything that I've lost. I'm very much off track and it's been disheartening. All I can really do is focus on tomorrow and making the start of getting back on track. I have to do something... I worked really hard last year and in the last three months it's all gone down, down, down hill. I guess I'm lucky that all I've put on is 10 pounds. *sigh*

Okay, here's to day one.

Ohhhhhh goodness

Guys. You know that feeling when you fall off the wagon? Maybe you sprain your ankle... maybe you get a scrape. Normally you pick back up, dust off, and climb aboard again.

Okay, so what if you crash the wagon?

What if you don't realize that you've crashed it? Or you do realize and you just don't care?

I'm in this weird head space right now. I've gone to the gym maybe once this week. I've eaten a ton of sweets. (I hadn't really eaten any candy, cakes, etc. for about two years, until one doomed snickerdoodle tempted me and popped three wheels off the wagon. I have absolutely no control when it comes to sweets, which is why I gave them up. One snickerdoodle literally lead to about six more--in one day.) I have a day off today and the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I'm in a very odd funk and I'm slightly concerned that I'm returning to my old cycle. I keep telling myself "no worries, you'll get back on track after the holidays." But... this isn't good thinking, especially for a person like me who tends to avoid things that are too overwhelming, hence it taking me this long to actively lose weight (losing 100 lbs is very daunting people).

There are a lot of new things happening right now in my life. The new job is about the only thing that's not stressing me out at the moment. It's time to start looking for my own place to live. I was considering renting, but yesterday, during a really lovely long lunch, someone asked if I was "renting or buying." Buying? My initial thought was "no way, I don't make enough money and have too much debt." My second thought: "Whoa, buying is so permanent." My third thought: "Well, I do want to set down roots somewhere and this area has the most job opportunity for my field." I also need to decide WHEN to make this move. My sister is pregnant with twins that are due in May, but will likely be born early. Do I want to move out before they get here or stick around for a few months to help out? Do I want to find a roommate? (No, not really, but it would be an economically sound choice.)

Too may questions. Too many worries. So, I eat and I don't work out. I've gained about 2 pounds and maintained that... I guess that's a plus. I feel gross though, so that's a negative.

So... what to do to get back to the motivation I had back in September (yes, it's been that long of a funk, although eating sweets basically started December 4)?

I think I need to re-evaluate my workout schedule. Because the days are shorter, I often feel that I don't want to work out in the evenings. Plus it's cold out, which I love, but it's not fun to exercise under any extreme weather condition. There's something about it being dark outside by 4pm that makes me think I should be home on the couch. I also need to get the sugar out of my system (I've been getting a lot of headaches). So... small steps will get be back on a new wagon. Hopefully it won't take long to make this happen.

Come on December!

So... November was kind of a crap show in regard to writing and my investment toward a healthier life. For a variety of reasons, I kinda checked out on both things. Today, being December 1st, was supposed to be the launch of my restart. It's hard to do that when family is in town (and with all the other things going on). I'm an anxious eater. An emotional one, actually. And being around family, while great, can also be very stressful for me. I'm surprised I haven't gained 10 lbs. Of course it's been a week since I last weighed myself, so I bet that's entirely possible. I dread the scale tomorrow morning.

I need December to be better. I have to MAKE it better. My plan after breakfast tomorrow is to go to the gym or walk/jog the loop. I've been sedentary for too long. I also plan to do a little writing. I often find that not writing for long periods of time (aka, all of November) can put me in a "mood." Mostly something feels "just not right." So, maybe if I can corner myself in my room for an hour or two and write, I may feel less funky. Maybe doing both things will give me a little control back.

I'm taking a few days off of work this week, which may not be the best for this revitalization. I'm hoping to get a little bit of a jump start... hopefully a full fledged return to where I was in September. Yikes... maybe October wasn't that kind to me either. *sigh*

Shifting Schedules... Why is it so dark?!?

So, I'm supposed to be participating in NaNoWriMo this year, but I've got about 800 words and about 24 days left to reach 50,000 words. This feels a bit ominous. I might head out to Barnes and Noble this weekend to see if I can't make some progress. I really wanted to complete Nano this year, but I'm feeling... okay, I need to start thinking positively. Maybe I'll start my plan of writing at 9pm for an hour or so... but probably not.

Anyway, I'm not sure when this particular writing blog turned into a health/weight loss blog, but there you go. Shifting priorities, I suppose.

Now that I've taken on more responsibility at work, I think I'm going to have to shift my workout schedule to mornings. I really don't like working out in the morning, but maybe I can get used to it. I think it's time to make a change because I find myself working an extra hour at work each night and by the time I leave it's dark (thanks day light savings!) and my mind automatically thinks "whoa, it's nine PM, no time to work out." Of course this is not accurate, but it feels accurate. So, if I go in the morning and get it over with it'll be fine for me to just head right home after work. I think I'll start this next week. .............or this week. I should probably start tomorrow. Or next week.

Motivation!

So, if you know me, you know that I love monkeys/apes. Don't ask my why, I just do. My favorite part of the zoo is the ape/monkey house, following closely by the big cat exhibit. Chimps are by far my favorite. I could watch them for hours. Anyway, today I get home from the gym to find a package waiting for me from my friend who recently completed her own C25K program. Inside was this little guy, sent to me as a "hooray you finished a 5K" and a birthday present. He's got a few motivational phrases on him and wears a 5K medal around his neck.  He's pretty bad ass.

The phrase that sticks out to me the most: "Just Keep Running"

Since finishing the C25K, I've really slacked off on my running. Right now I'm basically going out for a jog once a week. Before this, I was running 1 mile on the treadmill. I figured the mile run was always the trickiest feat for me, so I need to maintain the ability to run a mile without dying. I want to return to running three times a week. I need to. Monkey Man is going to help me.

I think I'm going to put in him in my car so that he's not out of sight out of mind. Tomorrow at the gym, I'm jogging for 20 minutes at least (or run the loop around my neighborhood). I'll slowly work back up to 30 minutes and hopefully more. I just have to figure out a way to enjoy it a little more than I do currently. I like jogging outside, but it's getting colder and my chest always hurts afterward (from the cold air). I'm thinking about splurging on some kind of tablet so that I can download movies to watch at the gym. Lord knows that they do a crappy job of maintaining program variety on the TVs there.

Anyway... here's to a revamp of my running program. It's coming at a perfect time because I'm pretty sure I've been in a plateau for the last month.